We all have those days when we're at our witt's end. When we just can't take it anymore. I always want to describe it as that Limp Bizkit song...everything is, "f*ck!" "everybody sucks!"
Yesterday was one of those days for me. It's no secret that I am struggling with the newest 2020 plot twist that is full time remote learning with my 2 children. They don't have friends in our town and school was the only place they got to socialize. They've been without it for 6 months and my heart breaks for them. This week we were able to meet up with some other kids and moms at the playground and it really felt good. I hope we can continue that.
I went from being a boss babe marketing & PR agency CEO, media producer and host, and event producer, to being a full time work from home mom who's priorities are now teaching, feeding, and taking care of kids and a dog as well as running the household - managing the laundry, the dishes, the appointments, the bills, the plans, and trying to do ALL the things to fill my own cup at the same time, oh, and make some money too. I feel like I am living in a whirlwind and I just want to stay in bed all day.
Luckily, I have tools to help me manage and not STAY in this feeling all the time, and I want to share them with you today.
1. Ask for help. This looks like:
"I need you to handle dinner tonight."
"Mom, can you please take the kids for a bit?"
or hiring a housecleaner, babysitter, therapist. It's so important that we ask for help when we need it and verbalize our overwhelm. Support systems look different for everybody, but keep trying to surround yourself with people who can help you.
2. Set boundaries. This looks like:
"I am not able to schedule anything more right now"
"I will get back to you later today. Thanks for understanding"
and straight up leaving your phone on the charger across the room for a bit. If you're a busy woman like me, your phone is probably blowing up all day and night asking to schedule things, and just requiring things that will drain your energy. If you feel like you're losing it, it's time to hold your boundaries and not feel bad about it. Take care of you first.
3. Get grounded.
I'm a fire sign, so water grounds me. Yesterday I walked to the beach, took my shoes off, and walked in the ocean. There are scientific studies that prove grounding is a real technique beneficial to your health, and not just a woo-woo thing. Find what grounds you. It could be as simple as taking your shoes off and standing on the grass. I often take baths to ground myself when I'm not able to get to the ocean. You get the idea.
Yeah, duh, I know. But seriously, intentionally, breathe. Try a YouTube video for guided breathwork if you have the time, or go hide in the bathroom for 60 seconds and do slow, intentional, breathing in through the nose and out through the nose. It will slow your heart rate and really help you calm down.
5. Journal/name your feelings.
By naming our feelings, it helps us to identify what we're experiencing so we can work through them with logic. If you can't open up a journal, just jot them down in your phone notes. You don't need to complicate this. When I did it yesterday, here's what I got:
6. List 10 gratitude items.
Usually I do 3-5 a day in a gratitude journal, but I find by pushing myself to identify 10 when I'm really struggling is super beneficial. Here is what I was grateful for yesterday:
I can leave my house and have my toes in the ocean in as quick as 5 minutes
I have an amazing partner who takes care of and supports me emotionally
I have an ex husband that I can trust with our kids and ask him for help
I have a flexible schedule
I don't have a boss to report to
I have several different income streams
My parents are alive and active in our lives
I have freedom and privilege
I am intelligent and have access to always learn something new
I have a beautiful family
7. Allow these feelings to just be.
Without judgement, without resentment, without trying to change them immediately. We are allowed to feel our emotions. In fact, if we DON'T feel them, experience them, and process them, they'll keep coming back. It's okay to say, "I feel trapped.". "I'm so pissed off". "I'm angry". Allow yourself to just have a day that sucks sometimes. It's okay.
Ask what your body is needing right now? Emotion builds internally and can reek havoc if we don't process it. By getting in touch with ourselves, tapping into our intuition, and finding out what we really need, we can feel better in our skin and work through our feelings. I am someone who tends to not be able to cry and I hold in so much energy that needs to be released. Lately I have been SOBBING. I have been allowing myself to feel the pain and heartache and sadness of the world and our current situation and just letting it all out. Another example is when I was struggling with my disordered eating. I was NEEDING something. Eating and binging gave me a hit of the happy hormones and gave me a rush. So much that even though I logically knew I would feel so sick afterwards, I didn't care. So what else could give me that feeling? An orgasm. This is why I am an advocate for self pleasure when it's done in a healthy way. (That's another blog post...lol). If you have physical energy and feel jittery, get out for a walk. Find a way to work that energy through your body.
9. Do something FUN.
Fun for me is concerts, traveling, and producing events that bring likeminded women together...so needless to say, my fun-o-meter has been at an all time low. So the challenge now is exploring what else is FUN for me? What is FUN for you? The element of play is so so important.
Look, none ofigned up voluntarily for this 2020 shit show. But we’re 10 months in already. And sometimes we really don’t have any other choices but to roll with the punches. At least we can fill our toolboxes with coping mechanisms like these. I hope they have helped you!.